06 November, 2007

Sometimes the pain feels overwhelming.
Sometimes I feel like I just have to cry.
Sometimes the crying surprises me.
Sometimes I feel invincible.
Sometimes I feel optimistic.
Sometimes I feel like starting all over sounds daunting.
Sometimes I trust.
Sometimes I don’t.
Sometimes I think “what could I have done differently?”
Sometimes I think “how could I have spared myself from this pain?”
Sometimes I am thankful.
Sometimes I have no regrets.
Sometimes I feel seasoned—like I’ve really seen a thing or two.
Sometimes I feel so innocent.
Sometimes I wish it had never happened.
Sometimes I think a broken heart is better than a cold heart.
Sometimes I know everything’s going to be totally fine—better than fine.
Sometimes I think it can only get better from here.
Sometimes I just want to feel how I feel.

I always said I really wanted to experience life. And I guess that’s exactly what life is. Feeling conflicted. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling ok. The pain is simply an aspect of the beauty. Maybe that’s really real life. Not having conclusions. Things not being so neat. That’s about as conclusive as I can get right now…