I’m in a stage of life I like to refer to as 23—free and sassy. Or fun and sassy. I haven’t committed just yet. Commitment isn’t a very popular word with many people in my social/age group. I’m generally very happy with my life. I love the opportunity to put my heart and soul and LIFE into something I’m passionate about: namely performing in live musical theatre. I’m happy to have the financial freedom to be able to travel to auditions when I need to and actually make a living by doing something that brings me sheer joy. I’m happy to have a degree and not have to worry about thesis statements and 500 word articles and midterms. I’m happy about being able to invest in whoever I want. I can talk to whoever I want on the phone for however long I want to. I can even pay someone mindless attention for one night. It’s all up to me. In a number of ways I am living the dream right now as I type this. Other dreams that I have in life I don’t exactly have control over—getting married, having a family. Those are things I want in my future. They could come soon or later. I don’t have a rigid preference because I know it’s not an area I can control. But they are certainly huge aspects of my definition of “living the dream.”
And one of my best friends, Leslie is living the dream in many ways too. Right now her office is in the White House. Ya know…the one on Pennsylvania Avenue? Every day she interacts with people who are going down in the history books. Her job is “Devil Wears Prada” meets “West Wing.” And it’s stressful but I’d venture to say it’s insanely fulfilling.
Both of us are smart. Both of us are pursuing dreams. Both of us are financially independent (ok, she is more than me but still). Both of us are confident. We know what we believe in. We vote. We donate. And we’d be more than happy to have guy friends (I’m not gonna say we even have time or energy for boyfriends) who are our age in that same place too. Successful. Happy. Looking toward the future. Informed. Spiritual.
Where are they?
That is the quandary I’ve been perplexed by as of late. I look around and I don’t know any guys who are the equivalent of my best friends. Where are the guys who are in their early—even mid—20’s and “have it all together”? Why has that become too much to ask? The Peter Pan syndrome is more prevalent than any of us knew. Why has “30 become the new 20” as one such Peter Pan said to me recently? Why is this ok? Why do we have this adolescentadulthood stage that is continuing on and on? Why can’t these guys finish school for goodness sake? What is so hard about deciding a concentration of study and taking a full load each semester and going to class and doing homework and getting the heck out of college? What is to fear about growing up, falling in love, asking a girl to marry?
Why are guys of this generation so freaking scared to grow up?
You want to date me? Or Leslie? Or some other girl that you think is “amazing”? Then become the guy who she thinks is amazing. It’s as simple as that. Get your act together.
15 comments:
Hil, you just so happen to have been born into the generation of rampant male cowardice. But this is not because many men lack inner fortitude, but mostly because men confuse what courage actually implies. To be what one must be for another person is to be courageous. Nearly every feature of our present culture is intended to blind his vision of duty. And sadly, the majority of those who do believe themselves to be upholding their many duties are in fact only attending to cultural preferences. There are so few men preciesely because the meaning of masculinity has been lost to the confused egoism of our age.
'Chivalrous' seems to be a holistic enough concept to define a good man by. Such men as embody this fine character shall not be hard to find, for they will bring a tearing interruption to your normal experience. They will find your eye as a ray of light in a dark room. And they'll have had someone like you in mind all along.
I should stop my theorizing. Sorry about that. But I do know there are good men in the world, and they may not be fashionable or pretty, but they will surely be beautiful and kind.
OK...I'll seriously stop this time!
Hear, Hear! Spoken by a true MAN.
Hil,
I think you're on to something. I know I experienced similar sentiments towards the end of my Union years. Attending law school was a bit different -- however, that attracts certain kinds of people. It seems quite typical for young men to avoid responsibility ... and many seem to do it all cost ... it's like they think responsibility couldn't be fun or bring joy to their life.
matthew and I were the last young men worth pining for, and now we're taken. You're SOL. Sorry. ;-)
Jeffrey Downer!
Is anonymous calling Jeffrey a "downer" or there a guy out there who is "amazing" named Jeffrey Downer? I mean you can give him my number...
ha ha, i took it to be a play on Jeffrey Dommer, but to call me a downer. lol.
but of course you knew i wasn't being serious hil
oh hil. you can't possibly know how ironic it is that i read this post right now.
i miss you, friend.
when i know of some dudes that fall into this category, you'll be one of the first to know.
so long as there's more than 1. i will keep the first for myself, of course. :) ha.
matt said some amazing things. ashli, you did well. :)
what about anonymous?! I thought anonymous had good things to say too.
I dunno, anonymous made a cultural reference joke that was clearly before I was aware of current events (90's I think...)
Maybe I should do some wikipedia-ing before I confirm to the world that I didn't get the joke?
And how come half the guys our age don't know how to sweat, swing a hammer, or define terms of relationships, but they know how to kill the British in Halo 24 and play its theme song in "Expert" mode on Rock Band, and how to coordinate better outfits than most girls I know?
My bretheren, this should not be.
Anonymously,
Lauren Rose
1. But Hil, how do you REALLY feel? :)
2. I think the lack of single guy comments on this post is amusing. Admitting to being your friend here means admitting that you, by inference, find us un-amazing. So I'm going to stand up and let the sniper-rifle-laser-dot fall on my chest. (Tinkerbell will save me.)
3. I was indignant upon first reading your post. I can't account for all men, but I can account for myself and admitting that you're right in the above post would mean having to admit that I'm off track college-wise (and otherwise), which would mean admitting I'm wrong, which is, of course, utterly unacceptable ... but alas you are right. I was reading Pascal this morning and he said this: "Truly it is an evil to be full of faults; but it is a still greater evil to be full of them and to be unwilling to recognize them, since that is to add the further fault of a voluntary illusion." Indeed.
3.5 This comment is a bit trifling so I'm awarding it only a decimal, but I think that reducing all of the aforementioned Peter Pan symptoms to a fear of growing up is over-simplifying a bit (though it does hold true to the Peter Pan analogy). But I also recognize though that this post doesn't purport to be sweeping social commentary so much as social commentary within your immediate circle of friends.
4. Pascal also said this: "To tell the truth is useful to those to whom it is spoken, but disadvantageous to those who tell it, because it makes them disliked."
Kudos for speaking the truth anyway. You never mince words.
5. In the same vein as #4 -- and it pains me to say this, Hil -- but I'm going to cut through all the pretense and just say what everyone's thinking: stop trying to make excuses for sucking at Halo and just MAN UP already, okay?
You girls, I swear. Whine, whine, whine.
Anonymously, (this was brilliant, Lauren)
John
(and Lauren, I completely resemble those comments.)
dear lauren.
because the praire house days are over. we have these crazy new things like deodorant and air powered nail guns, and TV's. And why not let us pick out your outfit? We're the ones who have to look at it after all, isn't that why i got a subscription to GQ for christmas...
Blatantly,
Josh
question: do women do it too? Do women also avoid responsibility unless forced to do otherwise? AND maybe it's not strictly a 'male' or 'female' problem; maybe it is a human problem.
This all seems to remind me of our need for a Savior and not a man.
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