I had Coldstone today. It was DELICIOUS. That has nothing to do with this post.

Reflection time!

I sit on my mom’s pristine white couch in this house that represents where I come from. Clean floors. A big comfy bed. Quiet. Comforting. Consistent. Tomorrow I drive back to the cast house at Wytheville which is a perfect representation of my life currently: full of loud, dramatic people. Bugs, No A/C, and lots of living for the moment. It also ends July 4th. A week and a half from now. Then it’s back to square 1. Luckily I’ve saved some money and I’m giving a lot of thought to what I want out of life next. I’m looking before I leap, so to speak. It’s been 3 years since I finished college. Lynchburg to Orlando to Roanoke to Nashville to New York to Nashville to Lynchburg to Wytheville to…?

This next step is a pivotal one. It’s a real life next place. It’s signing a lease. Having a door—a door that’s really mine not one I’m borrowing for a month or two.

The actor life is a weird one. Especially the regional theatre route. You pick up and go to this theatre and this living situation where you potentially don’t know anyone. And then all of a sudden it becomes your world. It’s your personal life, your work life, your passion, your well…almost, everything. And then it ends. Sometimes it doesn’t end fast enough and sometimes you’re dreading the end. I guess in this case in my life right now I have a little bit of anxiety about the sudden halt of an income and ya know, going through a big life change again but I also feel ready to go. I didn’t accept the job performing in The Sound of Music with the intention of moving permanently to Wytheville. I’m not a small town girl—I’m DEFINITELY not a Wytheville girl. But more than that I need to…what’s the least melodramatic way of saying this…find my real self again? When the sphere of your world becomes no greater than say, 30 people life situations seem more desperate, more dramatic. It’s like bumping around life in the dark a bit. There have been moments where I felt more in touch with my own soul and with God during my stay in Wytheville. By no coincidence it was when I was performing a show that pointed the audience towards God. Every night during The Sound of Music Psalm 121 was quoted: “I look to the hills from whence cometh my Help.” Now, Grease is definitely fun and is a joy to perform but there is something profound about performing a show that deeply moves its audience. For actors the show can absolutely affect their personal lives…even emotionally and spiritually. So I guess we should choose our work wisely, eh? Back to the point. I have so much togetherness with this group of people that I didn’t select for myself that I’ve become strongly affected and influenced by them. I need to get outta there and find my own way again. I’m so grateful for some of the friendships I’ve gained through the experience but in large part that is what I want them to be: friendships. Not constants who I’m surrounded by at home, at work, when I socialize, etc, etc. My time at that cast house, in that theatre, is up for the time being. I think the experience may have been sweeter if it had been shorter. I guess that’s a hypothetical statement. I’m looking forward to what’s next however uncertain it may be.

What is most immediately next is a 2 week stay in New York and a 2 week visit to my sister across the pond. I’m elated for both trips. I’ll be assisting with my dad’s latest project—a new textbook while I’m in NYC. I’ll also be auditioning a lot so while the trip will be incredible it won’t be 100% vacation. My trip to Great Britain though will be vacation + +! Ashli and I are in the process of scheming stops in London, Paris and 1 destination TBD. This summer has already been blissful (albeit HOT) and it’s only gonna get better from here. Thanks for allowing for my streamofconsciousness ramblings. Word.