I had Coldstone today. It was DELICIOUS. That has nothing to do with this post.

Reflection time!

I sit on my mom’s pristine white couch in this house that represents where I come from. Clean floors. A big comfy bed. Quiet. Comforting. Consistent. Tomorrow I drive back to the cast house at Wytheville which is a perfect representation of my life currently: full of loud, dramatic people. Bugs, No A/C, and lots of living for the moment. It also ends July 4th. A week and a half from now. Then it’s back to square 1. Luckily I’ve saved some money and I’m giving a lot of thought to what I want out of life next. I’m looking before I leap, so to speak. It’s been 3 years since I finished college. Lynchburg to Orlando to Roanoke to Nashville to New York to Nashville to Lynchburg to Wytheville to…?

This next step is a pivotal one. It’s a real life next place. It’s signing a lease. Having a door—a door that’s really mine not one I’m borrowing for a month or two.

The actor life is a weird one. Especially the regional theatre route. You pick up and go to this theatre and this living situation where you potentially don’t know anyone. And then all of a sudden it becomes your world. It’s your personal life, your work life, your passion, your well…almost, everything. And then it ends. Sometimes it doesn’t end fast enough and sometimes you’re dreading the end. I guess in this case in my life right now I have a little bit of anxiety about the sudden halt of an income and ya know, going through a big life change again but I also feel ready to go. I didn’t accept the job performing in The Sound of Music with the intention of moving permanently to Wytheville. I’m not a small town girl—I’m DEFINITELY not a Wytheville girl. But more than that I need to…what’s the least melodramatic way of saying this…find my real self again? When the sphere of your world becomes no greater than say, 30 people life situations seem more desperate, more dramatic. It’s like bumping around life in the dark a bit. There have been moments where I felt more in touch with my own soul and with God during my stay in Wytheville. By no coincidence it was when I was performing a show that pointed the audience towards God. Every night during The Sound of Music Psalm 121 was quoted: “I look to the hills from whence cometh my Help.” Now, Grease is definitely fun and is a joy to perform but there is something profound about performing a show that deeply moves its audience. For actors the show can absolutely affect their personal lives…even emotionally and spiritually. So I guess we should choose our work wisely, eh? Back to the point. I have so much togetherness with this group of people that I didn’t select for myself that I’ve become strongly affected and influenced by them. I need to get outta there and find my own way again. I’m so grateful for some of the friendships I’ve gained through the experience but in large part that is what I want them to be: friendships. Not constants who I’m surrounded by at home, at work, when I socialize, etc, etc. My time at that cast house, in that theatre, is up for the time being. I think the experience may have been sweeter if it had been shorter. I guess that’s a hypothetical statement. I’m looking forward to what’s next however uncertain it may be.

What is most immediately next is a 2 week stay in New York and a 2 week visit to my sister across the pond. I’m elated for both trips. I’ll be assisting with my dad’s latest project—a new textbook while I’m in NYC. I’ll also be auditioning a lot so while the trip will be incredible it won’t be 100% vacation. My trip to Great Britain though will be vacation + +! Ashli and I are in the process of scheming stops in London, Paris and 1 destination TBD. This summer has already been blissful (albeit HOT) and it’s only gonna get better from here. Thanks for allowing for my streamofconsciousness ramblings. Word.

I wanna write songs like this

Saw Crazy Heart last night. This song has been in my head ever since. So poignant to me! So poignant I'm not using complete sentences. Booyah.



I was goin’ where I shouldn’t go
seein’ who I shouldn’t see
doin’ what I shouldn’t do
and bein’ who I shouldn’t be

a little voice told me it’s all wrong
another voice told me it’s alright
I used to think I was strong
but lately I just lost the fight

funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while
funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while

I got tired of bein’ good
started missing that old feeling free
stop actin’ like I thought I should
and went on back to bein’ me

I never meant to hurt no one
I just had to have my way
if there is such a thing as too much fun
this must be the price you pay

funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while
funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while

you never see it comin’ till it’s gone
it all happens for a reason
even when it’s wrong
especially when it’s wrong

funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while
funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while

I was goin’ where I shouldn’t go
seein’ who I shouldn’t see
doin’ what I shouldn’t do
and bein’ who I shouldn’t be

The best of times is now.
What's left of Summer
But a faded rose?
The best of times is now.
As for tomorrow,
Well, who knows? Who knows? Who knows?
So hold this moment fast,
And live and love
As hard as you know how.
And make this moment last
Because the best of times is now,
Is now, is now.
Now, not some forgotten yesterday.
Now, tomorrow is too far away.
So hold this moment fast,
And live and love
As hard as you know how.
And make this moment last,
Because the best of times is now,
Is now,
is now.

Congrats to La Cage Aux Folles for winning Best Revival of a Musical! These are some lyrics from the most famous song from the show. The take-captive-every-moment message of the lyrics is right up my alley. Happy Monday!

Children Will Listen

This week I had a long talk with a friend who is battling an eating disorder. Her mother (who is her only family) has an eating disorder of her own and expresses approval of her daughter when she is a certain size. This has devastated my friend. Her mother may think in some twisted way that she is encouraging her daughter to live a better life or be more successful but her size-based approval has done nothing but cause pain in my friend's life. I've never been a parent but I have 2 great ones. There's no greater influence in a child's life. I'm so grateful my parents have loved and supported me unconditionally. One area of my life that they've lent constant support to is my career in performance. I made an audition video this week and included one of my favorite songs by Stephen Sondheim. Within the musical "Into the Woods" a mother who has lost a child sings this number. My interpretation is from an adult child's standpoint--finally telling her mother what she's needed to express for all these years. Hope you like it.