02 January, 2011

that (2010) and this (2011)

I’m blessed.

I’m blessed for a lot of reasons.

One reason is that I’ve only ever felt depressed once in life. And I’m pretty sure it was directly correlated to some medicine I was taking. Other than that unless I’m going through a breakup or some other really sad experience I wake up every day feeling glad to be awake. I know that some people don’t experience that. So I’m grateful that I’m generally happy.

I’m also blessed because I have options. I could stay in New York and pursue a career in acting. I could pursue a career in writing. I could go to grad school. I could return to Lynchburg where I’m within a 20-minute drive to a host of people I love. I could venture out to California or Austin or Seattle or Edinburgh or….

I’m blessed that God’s given me a variety of options and a constitution to be happy walking down a number of different paths. (Oh that yellow wood with its diverging courses…)

Sometimes it frustrates me that I don’t know exactly this one specific course I want in life. It makes me feel like a failure to not pursue one specific thing because then I don’t have a tangible accomplishment. But I’m reminded that the point of all this is the journey not the destination. And life is a marathon not a sprint.

I’m impulsive. I thrive on change. Ironically that thriving only occurs when I’m the catalyst and doesn’t when it wasn’t my idea. If it’s a matter I can’t control I don’t much care for it.

2010 brought some really high highs in my life. There were only a couple of really sucky points. There was way more good than bad. And a lot more exciting than dull. And a lot more meaningful than forgettable. There’s nothing more sad to me than when I look back on a season and can’t really remember what happened. It’s as if it never existed. 2010 was definitely not that. Tons of memories are etched in my mind's eye.

As the year changes over to the next I’m reminded of the brevity of it all…of what I actually hold dear…and who I want to be in 2011. I want to be someone who trusts God more, someone who holds on to faith when I feel forgotten. Someone who is more giving: in time, grace, love and sacrifice. I want to be someone who practices prudence and considers consequences.

I want to be someone who would inspire me.

Here’s to making it one better than the last.

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