Summing It All Up

"When I reach the end of my days, a moment or two from now, I must look backward on something more meaningful than the pursuit of houses and land and stocks and bonds. I will consider my earthly existence to have been wasted unless I can recall a loving family, a consistent investment in the lives of people, and an earnest attempt to serve the God who made me. Nothing else makes much sense." ~James Dobson

The little things...

It has been a number of months since I had the fiscal flexibility to buy extras. It's been a choice based on my values. When I decide I want something to work I make it work. If I want to travel I figure out how to afford it. Because of that kind of mentality I had to trim some less important things. Now I'm back at home (where expenses are minimal) and now I have the money to not only save, go out to eat as well as see a movie (these 2 were mutually exclusive for awhile). But I can also afford (drum roll please...)

to buy songs on itunes again!!

What to buy you ask?

I don't know if its being back in Nash, or the evolution of country music, or my new friend Mark but...I'm buying some country...that is if you consider Darius Rucker and Taylor Swift 'country' Or my friend Hillary's (Lady Antebellum) new single. I'm also buying that Pink song b/c 1) i love a good catchy feminist rock anthem and 2) i just learned a really sweet hiphop dance to it at vandy on monday which i can bust out anywhere and surprise people by just how straightTHUG i can break. I'm also currently enjoying the Kings of Leon, lovebug (the only song) by the jonas brothers. Of course I'm going to finally catch up on some of my typical piano rock (Coldplay and my fave liberty band bosc). Ah, its just nice to refresh the old ipod. Don't you just hate it when you feel like you have nothing exciting to listen to? And with my new daily 40 minute 8 AM commute I need some decent music to get me through. Woody and Jim are just not cutting it.

Employed!

I found work! I'm going to be holding down the fort on the administrative front part-time at Select Staffing. I went there to get a temp job and they offered me one at their office. On the spot. I called them Wednesday and they offered me a job that day and I started Thursday. Gotta love that! They're fully aware that I'm only staying til Christmas and they're cool with that. The people are nice, the work is actually semi-fulfilling, and the location is cool. It's on the 2nd floor of a shopping center on West End. Walking distance to the Parthenon and Bread and Company. Two very important places. Right by Maggie-Moo's. Also, I'm gonna do the beach thing for a week in October. Hang out with cute kids, lounge on the beach, make a little money. I'm really pumped because I love the little people but I'm rarely around any. I'm also gonna start back at Anthro part-time starting mid-October. Just in time for Christmas. :-)

How bout this a-mazing fall weather?! I totally missed fall last year. I was in Florida from June til December. I went straight from Summer to Winter. I definitely felt like I had missed out on something. Makes me that much more aware and grateful for the beautiful shift in the seasons I'm experiencing now. Mazel Tov!

Musings on unemployment, people, and "home"

Hey hey blog world.

I have been itching to write but for the past week or so had determined that I had no news for you. Nada.

*Before I start I have to tell you that I happen to be watching G's to Gents on tv right now and they are having breakdowns. And g's + breakdowns = justawkward.

Anyway.

The item of business that has been occupying my time/thought/attention/obsession lately is work. I have decided to stay in Nashville from now until Christmas time. This appears to be the perfect time to work alot and save alot before a potential move in early '09 (Fla or NY or Youneverknowtiligo).

To give myself a personal pep talk as well as let you in on the many, many positions for which I've been applying I am displaying them in list form.

Jobs applied for:
-Server at Cheesecake (even though I’ve never been a waiter)
-Anthro (well I gave them availability)
-J. Crew (although I didn’t follow up later)
-A smile model for an expo this weekend
-A hostess for a construction company's skybox at the titans stadium
-a receptionist position
-portrait model for photography class
-human resources assistant for macy’s
-actress in music video
-actress in another music video
-extra in ‘restaurant footage’ (I don’t know what for)
-assistant at a real estate office in hillsboro village
-brand ambassador
-data entry clerk

I've applied for all these within the past 5 days so hopefully. something. will work out. soon.

I just can't handle a purposeless life! Now I feel like I need to counter that with a positive statement: I have been blessed to be in my parents house where rent is free, coffee is made before I wake up, and the kitchen is always open (so to speak). Also I've been able to do some things for friends and family who need the extra help. That's been nice too. But now I'm ready to work. Work work work. I haven't had a 'day job' since December '07 and I've decided that if I'm going to be in Nashville and not acting for the next 3 months I am going to take dance classes, go to yoga/pilates consistently, travel at least once a month, and make some good money. So now that I've decided that...it's time to get to work! Ugh!

Oh. Also. I made another list (I like lists. ALRIGHT.) that are positions I'm considering applying for (if you have feedback, by all means throw it back):

-a family from Two Rivers asked if I wanted to go along with them to Destin and help watch the kids for a week in October
-server at CPK
-trying to get my foot in the door doing session work
-(tryingtogetmyfootinthedoor) recording demos
-signing with a talent agency where I would be an extra in films
-substitute teaching
-tutoring
-teaching guitar lessons
-providing coaching for high school seniors putting together a college theatre program entrance audition
-nannying? (although I would only like that if it paid better than what babysitters make)

So that's whats going on with me. Few epiphanies lately. My mind has primarily been occupied by a job. Although I have been thinking a few deep-ish thoughts:

1. It's not fair for kids (especially adult kids) to be guilted into making decisions based on the issues of their parents. If a parent does that, they are selfish.
2. Are relationships always salvageable? If you've gone through the ringer with someone, can you eventually have an ideal relationship?
3. I feel like the concept of having my own place and signing a year lease sounds fantastic. But maybe as long as I had a few months of notice, I wouldn't mind continuing the vagabond life. I think I just like a plan. But shopping at Ikea does sound so dreamy. I haven't lived in one spot for more than 4 months since 2004. Picture that.

That's all for now.

So I 'redesigned' the blog to make it reflect me a little bit more. Blogger gives you limited options but i still like this better than before. What do you think?

It seems that I'm going to be spending most of my time in Nashville until the holidays roll around. I'm kind of glad too! I haven't lived in this town for more than a month at a time since 2004. I'm ready to re-embrace Music City.

I'm also compiling a list of goals for the upcoming months. That will be shared TBA.

That blog on God that I was supposed to write a few days ago...

I'm not going to add much commentary to the notes I've already taken because I'm starting to make myself late so I gotta go. :) Happy Friday people.

A few thoughts from my journal (written while I was overlooking the Gulf of Mexico):

What is my religion about?

I tend to live as if it is about me, about what God can do or wants to do through me.

My religion must be about worshipping a God who deserves to be worshipped.

Other things will fall into place if my religion is about God.

May I have worshipful moments daily.
Meditation on Truth will help me stay centered and peaceful.

The Heart of Worship is about recognizing the glory of the God who created the earth.

* * * *

A few notes from church at Midtown Fellowship last Sunday (sorry the organization is poor):

Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
-Mother Theresa

Phillipians 1

Love with abundance and discernment

Love growing in knowledge and discernment so that you can determine what really matters and can be pure and blameless in the day of Christ

You can read scriptures 2 ways:

1) Asking what must I do?

2) Being in awe of what God has done

vs 11) filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God

If we are in Christ we have already been filled.

Right relationship with Christ isn’t about what I did but about what CHRIST did!

“Before we can break commandments 2-10 we have to break #1.” –Martin Luther

*Running to sin is not believing God’s overflowing unconditional love for me.

Christ is not just a model for how to do life. We have been changed by him—“No longer I but Christ in me!”

Fido, Waterguns, and Friendlationships

I write to you today from my favorite coffeeshop in the world. And by world I mean...

World.

Fido.

And I just found out (I'm such a Cha-Cha'er) why it's called Fido anyway. Humor me and read the following:

"According to legend, coffee was discovered in the Sixth Century by an Ethiopian goat herder who was trying to find food for his herd during a long drought. We figure that Kaldi must have had a dog. We named our cafe "Fido" after this heroic dog unjustly overlooked by history. (It didn't hurt to have a really cool old neon dog sign on our roof to provide us with an almost free logo)."

Freakin awesome.

Anyway, I've been having one of those weeks where thoughts have been swirling around in my mind so much for the past few months that they are beginning to actually make sense and explode out of my ears like waterguns. (my ears being the waterguns) I'm talking strong waterpressure too. There are so many thoughts shooting out I'm actually talking about being a human double barrel watergun as opposed to discussing the thoughts themselves.

The point?

Ever since my first return home from college in 2003 Nashville has been a place where the dust settles and I get clarity. The longer I stay away the weirder it is coming back here. The less familiar, the more it seems like a past life...etc...As I've gotten older rather than be a place that brings clarity like it did when I was 18 it reminds me of how much I've grown up, changed, how much I've seen, experienced, lived.

It's wild.

And coming back and being around people who knew me in the 90's or Y2K or whatever remind me just how far i've come...or gone? It's wonderful to be loved just because. Not because of what you do or what you say or what you've accomplished or who you've impressed. Just because you're family, or friends or a child of God. Ya know?

This week my friend David (who's AWESOME) moved to Nashville. He's like my first college friend who has relocated to Nashville. Nashville is akin to Antebellum America and David represents like...FDR. It's kind of cool to have someone from your new life infiltrate your old. You know what i mean?

Here's another weird thing about my life right now...as of this week I officially don't know what anything in my future holds as far as work and living location next week. This weekend I'm going to an audition that I hope will nail me a job or two for the upcoming months. If it were the right situation it could be anywhere. Theatres in Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, the North (we'll lump that together), Disney, cruiselines...they will all be there hiring.

I've also recently recognized that my values in life are somewhat paradoxical. I value consistency but spontaneity. Commitment but freedom. Adventure but routine. Dependability but surprise. Marriage but singleness. The open road yet home. I think I've decided what i 'really want' in life will smack me in the face one day and I'll go "Ohhhh..."

Also, I've come to be a fan of politics. So weird right? Once upon a time I really could care less. This Presidential election is so fascinating to me. The history making candidates are so exciting. I hope the economy experiences an upturn after the election. I think it will. I think Sarah Palin is cool and I wish her daughter weren't pregnant. I know (on a suuuuper small scale) what it's like to be in a fish bowl and I'm thinking this situation suuuuucccckkkkssssssss for her. So I'm thinking of her. I'm impressed she is keeping the baby and manning up. I hope her mom is the VP. And I hope we get out of Iraq soon.

Do you think guys and girls can't be friends? I read a great article about the importance of same-sex friendships and I loved it until it was used against me. I think you can be friends with members of the opposite sex. I know intersex friendships can result in pain sometimes...and my heart really aches about that one. I know what it's like to feel rejected, hurt and disappointed. And I hate that anyone ever feels that way. Why can't we just be perfect, mmmmmm???

Whenever I finally have a yard of my own I'm gonna plant a garden.

Also, I've been chewing on the fact that my religion isn't about me. When I read the Bible I tend to read it like this:

(Hilary opens Bible)

Hilary thinks: Ok God, what do you want me to do?

When in fact I should be reading it like this:

(Hilary opens Bible)

Hilary thinks: Ok God, show me who you are!

See the difference?

I heard a great sermon on Sunday at Midtown Fellowship. I'm gonna point out some of my favorite points with my pointer finger to you (the pointee). I'm just kidding...i just got on a roll...anyway I was about to quote the message here but i want to get it exactly right which involves me going home and opening my journal. Ok...I'm going home before rush hour gets crunk...

Worry--The Opposite of Rest

Be strong and courageous, and act; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. ~ God is for me. ~ Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. ~ Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you wil eat or what you will drink...Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?...Do not worry...But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow. ~ When someone arrests you, don't worry about what you will say or how you will say it. At that time you will be given the words to say. But you will not really be the one speaking. The Spirit from your Father will tell you what to say. ~ My Spirit remains among you. Do not fear. ~ He will...strengthen you to the end. ~ [May he] establish your hearts unblamable in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.
1 Chron 28:20; Ps. 56:9; 1 Cor. 16:13; Matt :25,27,31,33-34; Matt. 10:19-20; Hag. 2:5; 1 Cor. 1:8; 1 Thess 3:13

The very essence of anxious care is imagining that we are wiser than God. When we worry, we put ourselves in his place and try to do for him what he intends to do for us. --Charles Haddon Spurgeon

It is extraordinary what an enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention from God. Refuse to be swamped with the cares of this life. --Oswald Chambers

Dreaming the dream of God is not for cowards. --Joey Johnson

Who Should You Vote For?

http://www.whoshouldyouvotefor.com/

Some of us don't feel like we wholeheartedly agree with either candidate. I feel like I've chosen one but if someone were to ask me my opinion on every single platform issue I'm not sure I could give a good answer. This quiz helped me realize my weak points when it comes to what I actually know and/or care about the candidates. If you haven't picked someone or can't give solid detailed answers for WHY you're supporting one...take this quiz!

Deb Knoske Photography

Here's a few snapshots I got taken a couple weeks ago. Whoot!